‘Where are all the good men?’ Shay your Relationship Counselor tells single women where to look for the kind of great single guys you want to meet and fall in love with.
As a relationship counselor, I work with single women searching for love, and one of the first things I hear is that all the good guys are taken or gay. But ladies, that just isn’t true — there are lots of great guys out there waiting to find love! You just have to know where the good single guys are hanging out to find them.
If you go to the nightclubs looking for your man, you may well be disappointed in the type of guy you meet there. In fact, studies have shown that people go to places like nightclubs to find short-term hookups, not long-term love. No, my DIVAS, you might possibly by some slight chance get lucky and meet a great guy at the club – maybe. But you probably are just going to find a bunch of players there who might buy you a drink and are looking for a booty call. If you want to find a great guy doing great things, you’re going to have to look in some better places, because the good guys are busy!
So where should you be looking?
First, it might be helpful to think of this problem in terms of the old adage: ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’ In other words, people tend to congregate with others who have similar outlooks, values, and behaviors. So look for the places where people who think like you are hanging out.
Maybe most importantly, since you are seeking a long-term partner, focus on finding your man someplace where you are doing something you like or believe in. If you love a good ballgame, the sports bar may be a perfect place to meet your own new number one fan. On the flipside, if you hate sports, the sports bar is probably not your best bet because all the nice guys in there are going to want to watch their favorite teams on a regular basis.
Similarly, if you want to find a professional gentleman, go where the professionals are hanging out. Look for meet and greet events put on by your local chamber of commerce or a reception held by your professional organization. As you network your way through a drink and some apps, you may just spark up a romance and pick up a few clients along the way.
If you are interested in someone who wants to change the world, volunteer with your favorite non-profit. In fact, studies have shown that ‘helping’ behavior increases a person’s desirability as a long term partner. So get out there and help in that soup kitchen, that community garden, or that political campaign! You’ll meet others with similar passions, feel good about yourself, and ramp up your sexy quotient for the community-minded good guys.
Similarly, If you like the intellectuals, attend some lectures on a topic that interests you. If you prefer the passion of an artist, go to the gallery openings, the open mic nights, or volunteer at your local community theater. You get the picture. Just get out there and do what makes you happy and you’re bound to meet other engaged happy people.
If you aren’t quite that focused, try some more general haunts like a movie theater – you never know when you might end up enjoying the jokes on-screen with the stranger sitting next to you who then could be up for a cup of coffee after the film. Or how about taking a stroll in a park to enjoy the beautiful day? You may encounter someone else enjoying the sun and strike up a conversation. Even the grocery store can be a place to mingle with potential dates – single guys need to eat too, and if he is sizing up the arugula, he probably knows a thing or two about cooking. I’m not suggesting that you throw yourself at random guys in the park or grocery store, but if you are friendly and open, and took the time to look presentable (not fancy, mind you) before you left the house, you just might meet someone who catches your eye.
There are great people all around us; people who are potential friends, business associates, and yes, possibly even those perfect partners. They are all just living their lives waiting for their paths to cross with you – even if they don’t know it yet. Don’t waste your time on the club scene, unless you really are just going to dance with your friends. Look in the places where the good people congregate and foster your own passions as you do. But remember, wherever you decide to look, the same ground rules apply – be confident, take the time to put your best foot forward before you leave the house, and be safe!